I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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