just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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