i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
