that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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