good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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