So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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