They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
