My room smells like vodka and shame
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
