Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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