Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
