Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
