please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i think my cat just said my name.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
