omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
