Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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