so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
