I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
