Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
