why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
