Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
