I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
