I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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