That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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