Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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