Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
