Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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