she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
