the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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