sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
