the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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