his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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