All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
