So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
