laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
