come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
