When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
