Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
