he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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