Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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