Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
