I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
