I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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