I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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