Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im holly from the hills drunk
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
