My sheets look like a crime scene.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
