One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
