Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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