I think i peed on brittanys purse
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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