There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
