i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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