I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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