She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
