I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
