She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
