i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
