i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
