i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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