My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
