When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
