you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
