I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
