Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
