Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize