i think my mom watched the whole time
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
