So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
