I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
