Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
