I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
