Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
