Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
