I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
