doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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