i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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