Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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